You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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