is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
