people are starting to question the shark bite story
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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