Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
