I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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