dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
time to smoke my breakfast
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
