I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
