I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize