Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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