I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I deserve to be covered in dicks
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
