Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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