So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
