can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
