Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
