By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
