Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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