I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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