it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize