Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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