We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize