It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
