I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Two words: blizzard sex
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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