It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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