The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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