at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
