Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
