Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
