my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Randomize
