Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize