two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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