Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize
