Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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