There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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