I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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