I accidentally burped into my bong.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
