I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize