Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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