Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
