I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
