My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
