Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
