so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
