I cannot find my penis.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
