I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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