We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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