Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
