We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I have fence marks all over my body
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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