if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize