im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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