I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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