Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
