i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
