After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
