And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
