can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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