I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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