grandma shit on top of the toilet
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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