ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
