Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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