its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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