His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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