I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize