didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
