i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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