I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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