Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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