if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
