You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize