Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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