dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
