He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
What a dumb baby whore.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
