I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
