Your face is a jimmy john
Say something about gay babies.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I want her autograph on my taint
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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