There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
