HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
