oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
