Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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