I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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