I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
