Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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