I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
