i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
