I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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