Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
