We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize