I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
