I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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