no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
