i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
