you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
