well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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