I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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