I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Green mimosas i think yes
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
