; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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