apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
