I think I am morally bankrupt
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
