Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Don't make out with my wife yet
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
