i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
