I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
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