I just cut my nipple shaving
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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