i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
