new low.... made out with someone while peeing
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
