Have you finally orgasmed yet?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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