Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
